Hedwig will make you few inches happier

Anatomically incorrect rock star finally speaks

By Guruchathram Ledchumanan

C2C Theatre is bringing the award-winning rock musical Hedwig and The Angry Inch to St. John’s from November 19 to 21 at the Rock House. It’s about a transsexual punk rock chick from East Berlin that tours the States.

Written by John Cameron Mitchell with music and lyrics by Stephen Trask, it first premiered off-Broadway in 1998 with Mitchell as the lead character. Since then, it has developed a Rocky Horror Picture Show-like cult following. In 2000, it garnered international success as a Hollywood film. The Muse caught up with Hedwig and we barely escaped with our pants on.

The Muse: Where exactly is your angry inch?

Hedwig: The band is out looking at humpbacks. But if you mean what I have to work with, darling, I imagine it would be best located in person. Not in print. Send me your digits.

TM: I’ve got 10 of them. Speaking of digits, who does it better, you or Robert Plant when he says, “Let me give you every inch of my love” on “Whole Lotta Love”?

H: During my great Croatian tour of the early 00s, Robert wouldn’t leave me alone. He does it more, but I do it better.

TM: What is the origin of love?

H: Jesus said, “If you bring forth that which is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” TM: Who did Marilyn Manson rip off more, Alice Cooper or David Bowie?

H: Honey, I love a little boy in make-up as much as the next upstanding citizen, but placing Ms. Manson alongside those giants of the genre is like calling a goldfish a hammerhead shark. TM: KISS is back with a new tour complete with make-up and fire breathing. Was Neil Young right, can rock and roll never die?

H: Absolutely. Your Mr. Young is rarely wrong. rock and roll is here to stay. Although I do wish Mr. Simmons would go away. He's more of a whore than I was in Soho's Meat Packing District. TM: What is your groupie selection policy?

H: Darling when you reach my age, there are no policies. All are welcome, in both senses of the word.

TM: If you were a midnight radio DJ, what would be the first five songs you'd play on Friday? H: Iggy Pop’s “Night Clubbing”, Lou Reed’s “Walk on the Wild Side”, Queen’s “The Prophet's Song”, Anne Murray’s “Snowbird” and, of course, “Heroes” by David Bowie.

TM: Who has the best hair in rock and roll besides you? Best body?

H: I've always had a hard on for Cher’s hair. Is that bitch still singing? As for body, it has always been and will always be Freddie Mercury. Preferably while David Bowie is sitting in a chair, drinking, watching, and waiting. Do you play any instruments yourself?

TM: The drums but very badly. What are your approaches to songwriting?

H: From the crotch, my dear boy. That’s where I keep my heart.

TM: If you could perform with anybody, who would they be?

H: Perform on anybody? Send me your photo, you never know. I dreamt last night that Barbara Streisand, Cher and I did a lovely rendition of “Islands in the Stream”, changing the duet into a magical three-way. Or, at least, I thought it was magical. Dolly Parton pouted in the wings, sipping on gin and fixing her hair. Kenny Rogers was…well, Kenny was indisposed.

TM: What advice do you have for boys and girls who want to do what you do? H: Study the masters, play empty rooms and always use a qualified surgeon. TM: What is the new black?

H: Pink, possibly lavender, blonde on Tuesdays. But pink, always pink. TM: Who has better clothes and ballads, David Bowie or Elton John?

H: It’s a little bit funny, when he’s feeling inside. For Bowie or Elton, I'd open up wide, just like I did in 1989. I like them both. Don’t make me choose. Do you do any songwriting yourself? TM: If I did, I wouldn’t be stuck doing this gig for a living. What can the audience expect at the show?

H: We will all get to know each other a little bit better and, if they stand close enough they may get a little foamy shower.

TM: Is this your first time in St. John's? What do you plan to do while you're in town? H: Well, they tell me that you're the City of Legends, so I may just have to move here. I read that Newfoundlanders have more sex than anybody in Canada, so I intend to have more sex than Newfoundlanders. Could you please forward along your class schedule, I am told to get a dirty slice and some road cock on George Street and a ride in a Cape on a Spear.

TM: I’m free most Thursdays. Who are your heroes and what's your favorite quote?

H: Iggy Pop, Jesus Christ, David Bowie and Balloon Boy. I've always been partial to the Rolling Stones, “You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find, you get what you need.”

TM: If dicks could talk, what would yours say?

H: Honey, I don't know how familiar you are with my anatomy yet. But if my dick is talking, it is most likely screaming wildly in some street gutter a half-a-world away. Who knows what it screams. However, I'm pretty sure I know what yours will say, although no one will hear it where it’s going.

The show runs Thursday, November 19 at 8:30 pm with special guests Kujo and Saturday, November 21 at 8:30pm and 11:30 pm with Matt Hornell & The Diamond Minds at the Rock House. Tickets are $10 and are available at Model Citizens, Fred’s Records, Our Pleasure and at the door.

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